Today I talked with my therapist. I’m not sure if the therapy is working or if I’m just wasting my time. I’m confused about what I’m doing. But what I learned (or I confirmed) is that I feel void.

I don’t feel like a human being. I feel like a robot, just a empty shell that follows instinct. What happen to me to feel like that, I’m not sure my therapist says that probably is due a trauma, and if this is the case, probably was caused by my mother. But I don’t what to talk about that.

The thing is that, I don’t feel bad. The antidepressants just keep that under control. But now I don’t feel anything.

I mean, I still smile in the work, i still play with my friends. But when I’m alone, I’m just empty. Without dreams, without something that makes me feel alive.

Some doubts arise. What if I will always feel like that? What if I don’t have any purpose? What if I’m just a empty shell? I don’t have any answer.

The session just was to confirm how I feel now. I don’t know if I will feel like that until my death. But I need to assume that this is the case.

I’m tired. I just move cause is what is correct. But I don’t want to exist. I would say that I don’t want to awake tomorrow, but I still have things to do. I still have responsibilities. But what that is over, if I’m still empty, maybe I will end everything. At least if I have the courage to do it.